Rumbling, Bumbling, Stumbling, Tumbling

Is This How Joe Banner's Brain Works?

Eagles President Joe Banner took to the airwaves yesterday to do a bit of damage control in the wake of a few Philly Daily News articles that surmised he wasn’t as steadfast in his support of Reid as in years past (said articles are linked in the “Nearing the End of Andy?” post). That’s fine, naturally Banner wouldn’t want people to think his confidence in Big Red is wavering after 12 years and no Super Bowl wins. However, it’s the last blurb of the linked article that really infuriates me because it embodies the perceived overriding mentality that has demonized this organization to its fan base. Here it is:

“In perhaps his toughest rhetorical challenge, Banner tried to assert that the six-time Super Bowl champion Steelers, who have appeared in three of the last six Super Bowls and won two of them, really aren’t any more successful than the Eagles on balance, because they haven’t made the playoffs nine of the last 11 years, or been to five conference championship games in the last decade, the way the Eagles have.”

Wait, what? SERIOUSLY?! If that paragraph doesn’t tell you everything you need to know about management’s mindset, nothing will. I hope Banner doesn’t actually believe that. No, Joe, the Steelers really ARE more successful than the Eagles over the past 11 years. By a considerable margin. Am I crazy? Is this not obvious to people? Congratulations on the nine playoff appearances (and extra gate revenue during that span). Now, by contrast, over the same period the Steelers have qualified for the playoffs seven times and, actually, appeared in five conference championship games, the same number as the Eagles; they’ve also played in two more Super Bowls. Oh, and just for good measure, that model — better yet, Gold Standard — football franchise residing in the western part of the state has won two Lombardi Trophies, for a grand total of six, to Philadelphia’s, uh, wait a second, I have the number here somewhere… ah, yes, zero. Zilch. Nada. Is the metric for success around here merely playoff appearances? If so, we, as fans, are totally and unequivocally fucked. In response to Banner’s claim, Homer J. Simpson would howl these immortal words: “Ooooh, that’s LOSER talk!” I literally want to slam my head against a wall repeatedly until I’ve suffered permanent memory loss and am no longer cognizant of my irrationally intense emotional connection to the Eagles. Guest post pioneer and Pittsburgh native Ben Keegan commented that here’s how the conversation would go if an Eagles fan approached him at a bar and tried to argue Banner’s impeccably reasoned assertion:

Eagles fan/neanderthal: “You know your team’s not even better because we’ve made more playoff appearances and just as many conference championship games.”

Ben (in shock that anyone would actually make such a misguided and delusional argument): “Dude, why are you even talking to me?’

Me (to Eagles fan, after I momentarily blackout from an overload of stupidity and subconsciously contemplate committing second degree murder): “You embarrass the fuck out of me. Leave. Now.”

As a follow up, I’m going to quote Keegan some more because I literally couldn’t have said this better myself (also wouldn’t want to do that whole plagiarism thing):

“Listen, it’s fine to be proud of a certain level of success. But to compare that level to an organization that has achieved way more just indicates that you are satisfied never winning Super Bowls. [You are] implying [winning Super Bowls] really doesn’t even matter because conference championship game appearances are enough.”

Boom. That’s all that needs to be said. You can talk all you want about not being content and wanting to win the Super Bowl more than anything, but when you try to argue the point that Banner did, you lose all credibility. Also, would it kill Joe to show a little humility here? How about lauding the Eagles’ accomplishments while also acknowledging that the Steelers have fulfilled the ultimate goal — multiple times — and therefore must be held in a higher regard? Would that have been so difficult? Having exhausted my vitriol on this topic, I want to make something very clear: When it comes to the Eagles’ failures over the years, I lay the blame at the feet of the players, coaches, and management, in that order. After all, it’s the players who directly influence the outcome of a game with their actions on the field. Then come the coaches who are responsible for formulating strategy and making crucial in-game decisions. Finally, there is management, which assembles and oversees the employees (players and coaches) and then leaves them to their own devices to go out and win the damn thing. I do, however, blame management for the, well, seemingly loser attitude that permeates the entire organization. It infects everybody and is manifested in what happens all too often when this team is in position to do something meaningful.

Think back to every Eagles playoff game you’ve seen since Andy Reid became head coach. Have they ever beaten a team that was as good or better than them? The only legitimate example you could give is the Packers in ‘03-04, a game in which the Eagles prevailed thanks in part to Freddie Mitchell’s hands on 4th and 26. That’s the entire list (don’t even think about saying the Plaxico Burress-less Giants in ‘08-09 because you know without him that team wasn’t even a shell of its formerly dominant self). There’s something wrong with that, and whether Mr. Banner wants to admit it or not, it’s a reflection of the organization as it currently stands. You want to know what the Eagles are? They’re the homeless man’s Pittsburgh Steelers.

Here’s the part where I ease up a little bit because you can’t help but get the feeling that this is going to be a BIG offseason for the Eagles, when/if the labor situation is resolved. If one thing is obvious from Banner’s interview, it’s that he’s finally sick and tired of having not won a Super Bowl yet. He hears the criticisms, and he knows they’re true. Philly fans can be ruthless, but, contrary to popular belief, we know our shit. We’re such assholes only because we so desperately want our teams to succeed, and, quite frankly, care about them to a nauseating and unhealthy degree. It’s time, Eagles. Time to put up or shut up. Hiring Jim Washburn and Howard Mudd is an excellent start, and I’ve already said I’m strangely confident about the decision to make Juan Castillo defensive coordinator. Now, don’t screw it up. Add the necessary talent to the mix, players who will actually put this team over the top (I’ll write an Eagles offseason article when/if a new CBA is in place). That is if, you know, the franchise actually cares about winning a Super Bowl as much as it professes when the time comes to address the media.

I want to help the Eagles get over the hump. It would literally be the most significant accomplishment of my life (to this point, at least) and something I’d cherish forever. I may skewer Joe Banner in this article (well, rant), but I’d relish the opportunity to meet him and pick his brain. He hasn’t gotten to where he is by being a fucking moron, and the one time I interacted with him — even though it was the briefest of encounters — he was very pleasant. I just want to understand why this franchise is so unflinchingly opposed to change and admitting fault, and why it’s so averse to embracing the fans. Don’t we both want the same thing, the fans and the franchise — you know, to win at least one Super Bowl? Or maybe I’m missing something, I don’t know. Andy, can we at least try to implement more balance on offense and commit to a power running game that can complement your fetish for the aerial attack? Come on, I bet we can work something out in the name of winning that elusive Super Bowl.

Lastly, I’ll send you off with another quote from Banner:

“My bet is, we’re not sitting here 3 years from now having to deal with that hypothetical, because we will have won a championship.”

Chips are down, Andy. You have three seasons to get it done, big man (at least here in Philadelphia), because your boss — through his either subconscious or intentional insinuations — just did the equivalent of putting you on notice that your job is on the line. If we are sitting here three years from now without a Lombardi Trophy and Andy Reid is still the coach, then Joe Banner will prove to be a bigger fraud than Big Red could ever be.

(Edit: Naturally, Joe had to clarify the real meaning of his words — and set the record straight, of course — in a follow up statement the next day.)